The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam.. we're stoning her in the morning.
Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in but I could only use it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It provides me with everything - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot..
Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain ?
17% said yes;
11% said No;
72% said, "I not understanding question please."
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our shopping center, but they threw me out after I asked if I could look at some of the bomber jackets.
"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools." ~Ernest Hemmingway