"Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away." ~Jerry
"Bald men with no jobs and no money who live with their parents don't approach strange women." ~George Costanza
"When you're shopping on Madison Avenue, you don't want to skimp on the swank." ~Cosmo
"Somehow Jerry, just when I think you are the shallowest man in the world, you somehow manage to drain a little more out of the pool." ~Elaine
"Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?" ~Jerry
"I'm very close to giving this car, that my celebrity friend is considering, my full endorsement. Oooh, Let's see if I can get a smile from these femininas.. Hey, Ladies! It's the Saab 900! What do you think? Can I interest you in a little supplemental restraint?!" ~Cosmo
"I once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. Why does moisture ruin leather? Aren't cows outside a lot of the time? When it's raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, 'Let us in! We're all wearing leather! Open the door! We're going to ruin the whole outfit here!'" ~Jerry
I'm at the corner of first, and first. Wait a minute. How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the nexus of the universe! ~Cosmo Kramer
Well, my swimming pool problems are solved. I just found myself miles and miles of open lanes."
"What is that smell?"
"That's East River."
"You're swimming in the East River? The most heavily trafficked, overly contaminated waterway on the eastern seaboard?"
"Technically, Norfolk has more gross tonnage."
"How could you swim in that water?"
"I saw a couple other guys out there."
"Well... floating. They weren't moving much, but they were out there."
- Kramer and Jerry
George: Elaine! Do women know about shrinkage?
Elaine: You mean like laundry?
Jerry: Like when a man goes swimming... afterwards...
Elaine: It shrinks?!
Jerry: Like a frightened turtle.
Elaine: Why does it shrink?
George: It just does.
Elaine: I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.