Ace Ventura Quotes
Man: [aggressively] What do you want?
Ace Ventura: HDS, sir, and how are you this afternoon? All righty, then. I have a package for you.
Man: Sounds broken.
Ace Ventura: Most likely, sir. I'll bet it was something nice, though.
***
[Aguado stomps on a cockroach to provoke Ventura]
Aguado: Homicide, Ventura. Now how ya gonna solve that one?
Ace Ventura: Good question, Aguado. First, I'd establish a motive. In this case the killer saw the size of the bug's DICK and became insanely jealous. Then I'd lose 30 pounds... PORKIN' his wife.
***
Melissa: You really love animals, don't you?
Ace Ventura: If it gets cold enough.
***
Ace Ventura: [as Captain Kirk] Captain's Log, stardate 23.9, rounded off to the... nearest decimal point. We've... traveled back in time to save an ancient species from... total annihilation. SO FAR... no... signs of aquatic life, but I'm going to find it. If I have to tear this universe another black hole, I'm going to find it.
I've... GOT TO, MISTER.
***
Lois Einhorn: What would you know about pressure.
Ace Ventura: Well, I have kissed a man.
***
Lois Einhorn: What the hell is he doing here?
Ace Ventura: I came to confess. I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll.
***
Melissa: I swear if you do anything to embarass me this evening...
Ace Ventura: What? Like this?
[makes wierd noises,Doorman answers the door]
Ace Ventura: Aye, Captain Stubing. How are Gopher and Doc? Permission to come aboard, sir!
***
Melissa: Ace, get out of the tank.
Ace Ventura: [talking like Scotty from Star Trek] I just can't do it, Captain. I don't have the power.
Melissa: I said, get out of the tank now!
Ace Ventura: For God's sake, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a pool man!
***
Ace Ventura: Excuse me, Ron, I need to use the bathroom.
[whispering loudly]
Ace Ventura: I think it's the pâté.
Ronald Camp: Sure, right over there.
Ace Ventura: Thanks! Stuff probably looks better on the way out, huh?
***
Ronald Camp: [Ace emerges soaking wet] I'm so Sorry Mr. Ace, I'll have the plumbing checked immediately.
Ace Ventura: Well I hope so, had I been drinking out of the toilet, I might have been killed.
|
|
|
|
