"The best minds are not in government. If they were, businesss would hire them away." -Ronald Reagan ..
"The only thing he didn't like was bad music." -Ray Charles manager Joe Adams ..
Blues rule: breakin' ur leg 'cause u were skiing is not the blues. breaking ur leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.. cuzin Bubba sez "once you've accumulated sufficient knowledge to get by, you're too old to remember it." .. why does a dog get mad when u blow in his face, but sticks his head out the car window? .. my therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. i'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.. the speed with which a woman says "nothing" when asked "what's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the severity of the shit storm that's coming.. the pharmacist asked me my birthday again today, pretty sure she's going to get me something.. if i make you breakfast in bed a simple "thank you" is all i need. not all this, "how did you get into my house?" business.. it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.. my 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soom and i'm worried about the 195 ils. i've gained..
never take a beer into a job interview or ask if they press charges..
always identify folks in yer yard before shootin' at 'em..
always say "excuse me" after gettin' sick in someone else's car..
it's considered tacky to take ur cooler to church..
even if yer certain you're included in the will, don't take a u-haul to the funeral..
the socially refined don't fish coins from public toilets..
if ur havin' to vacuuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets..
always provide an alibi to police for family members..
he said.. i don't know why you wear a bra, you got nothing to put in it.. she said.. you wear pants don't you?
he said.. shall we try swapping positions tonight? she said.. that's a good idea, you stand by the ironing board, while i sit on the sofa and fart.
hes said.. what have you been doing with all that grocery money i gave you? she said.. turn sideways and look in the mirror.
he said.. why are married women heavier than single women? she said.. single women come home. see what's in the fridge and go to bed. married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge..