Pop-ups: We don't need no stinkin' pop-ups esse'.

Smoking: Fire up fluffy, this ain't a smoke-free environment. But adhere anti-smoking spokesperson Brooke Shields..

"Smoking kills, and if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

Membership fees: 1/4 of the world lives on less than $200 a year.

If compelled, visit our sponsors and drop a dime.

I.D.: Yes, you'll probably need one at the liquor store.

Child Safety: "Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth." Steve Allen

Sexual Discrimination: It's your mouth, haul hot coal in it if you want to.

Drinking: Lightning strikes the earth 100 times every second, knock yourself out. On the other hand, if you place a drop of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death..

Religion: Washington, D.C. has the highest per capita viewership of T.V. evangelists...

Lord help us...

Nudity: If "Barbie" were life-sized, her measurements would be 39-23-33... and we've got no problem with that.. but everything's pretty much covered up here..

Complaints: Call yomama.  

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