"First, God created idiots. That was just for practice. Then He created school boards." ~Mark Twain
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Collected from SAT's (Scholastic Aptitude Tests) in Springdale Arkansas
Q - Name the four seasons.
A - Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.
Q - Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A - Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q - How is dew formed?
A - The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q - What is a planet?
A - A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q - What causes the tides in the oceans?
A - The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q - In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A - Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q - What happens to your body as you age?
A - When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q - Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A - Premature death.
Q - How can you delay milk turning sour?
A - Keep it in the cow.
Q - How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A - The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.
Q - What is the Fibula?
A - A small lie.
Q - What does "varicose" mean?
A - Nearby.
Q - What is the most common form of birth control?
A - Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q - Give the meaning of the term "Cesarean Section."
A - The cesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q - What is a seizure?
A - A Roman emperor.
Q - What is a terminal illness?
A - When you are sick at the airport.
Q - What does the word "benign" mean?
A - Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
