You Know You're A Mom When..

*You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.

*You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your child's favorite toy and made him/her cry.

*You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

*You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

*Your child throws up, and you catch it.

*Someone else's kid throws up at a party, and you keep eating.

*You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.

*You mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching.

*Your child insists that you read Once Upon a Potty out loud in the lobby of the doctor's office,

or, better yet, in the lobby of a Grand Central Station... and you do it.

*You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night

talking about and checking on the kids.

*You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your child eats.

*You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.

*You hate the thought of his wife even more.

*You donate to charities in the hope that your child won't get that disease.

*You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into unusual shapes.

*You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.

*You can't bear to give away baby clothes--it's so final.

*You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "Not in your good clothes!"

*You read that the average five year old asks 437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is above average.